Thank You, Cox Classic

Upon laboring for seven consecutive days at the 2006 Cox Classic, I have ascertained the following:

A new appreciation for golf. Before the tournament and my job with Cox Communications, I knew nothing about golf. That changed when I was surrounded by terms such as Pro-Am, birdie, back nine and tee off. I began asking questions so as not to seem completely clueless (although I was and still am, to some degree).

A new appreciation for manual labor. I hauled boxes and boxes and more boxes around the course. I walked up and down countless flights of stairs. I lugged chairs and tables and cans of soda. I moved boxes of cardboard fans and bags of ice. And my body ached every morning because of it.

A tan. I haven’t been this golden brown since my childhood days spending hours in the summer sunshine. Skin cancer be damned, I look good.

A renewed love of Budweiser. Nothing tasted better after a nine-hour day at the golf course than a cold can of Budwesier, which I also learned is often referred to as Bud Heavy. (Who knew? Me, apparently.)

Filth. I have showered twice daily — once in the morning and once at night — from my work at the tournament. It goes back to the said manual labor mixed with Nebraska’s lethal heat/humidity during the summer. When you add 24-hours of nonstop rain showers, however, you get quite the mud pit with which to slop around in. With that, I give thee my muddy tennis shoes.

Mistaken identities. While zooming around in a golf cart this week, I had an older gentleman stop me, stare at me for a few seconds and say, “Oh, wait. You don’t do karaoke for a living do you? You look just like…” He wasn’t joking. Apparently I resemble a karaoke singer he saw “perform,” most likely while downing a can of Busch Light, taking drags on a GPC and spanking women on the tush.

Free! Free! Free! People go nuts for anything they can get for free. Food, drink, paper fans, you name it. If it’s free, it’s as good as a Golden Key to a magical world. (I must admit I’m just as guilty. I stopped by the Garbo’s Salon vendor tent on more than one occasion just for the free samples.)

Clothes make the woman. It is absolutely impossible to feel the slightest bit feminine while wearing an oversized golf polo.

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